I've Got 99 Problems and They're All Lily Evans
by codla
Summary: James is determined to capture Lily's heart and even if it takes his whole schooling career. Even if it requires him to ask her out 99 times... Drabbles/one shots centered around James and Lily and his attempts to ask her out ranging from silly to stupid to downright outrageous.
1. And So It Begins

**This story will be about James and his attempts to capture Lily Evans' heart. Some may be long, some may be short. Feel free to give me prompts and ideas for a chapter!**

**Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: I am 99% percent sure that my name ISNT Joanne King Rowling and so Harry Potter does not belong to me. And neither does Remus *sigh***

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><p>FIRST YEAR<p>

Sirius was so excited he could barely contain his emotions. He was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet with a wild grin on his face.

"Come off it Sirius, you're annoying us all here! You're acting like Peter for crying out loud!" James hissed at him. Peter looked up, slightly insulted, but the expression softened when James smiled playfully at him and nudged him with his elbow.

Today was the day they pulled their first prank, on the feisty Lily Evans. It was would be a challenge but the four of them were up to it.

"I'm not sure about this… it feels wrong."

"Awww Remmypoo are you chicken?" And with that Sirius was running around their dormitory imitating a chicken. He hopped over to Remus and pecked his shoulder. "Chiccckkkeeennn…" he cooed in his ear. Remus pushed him away chuckling.

"Fine! Let's just get this over with."

They handed James the flowers and chocolates and did his hair nicely. Well attempted to anyway.

"Merlins beard James how do you cope with this mop?!" Sirius said loudly after a couple of minutes of wrestling with his hair and failing miserably.

"I'm sorry that you're shaggy mane isn't as gorgeous as my hair but hey it's not my fault!"

Peter giggled and pushed James out the door. The four of them walked down to the Great Hall and entered. James immediately spotted Lily as her hair stuck out from the crowd whilst the other three hung back by the door. He sauntered over, the flowers and presents behind his back, with a sheepish grin on his face. Lily looked over and when she saw that he was headed her way she quickly turned back around. Why couldn't he just leave her and Severus alone?

James tapped her on the shoulder, and with a huff she turned around. She gasped when she saw the flowers and chocolates.

"Lily, my dearest Lily" he began. "Your hair is as radiant as the sun, your eyes as green as grass and your beauty rivals the moon. Please, take these gifts as a token of my adoration". A blush was creeping its way along her cheeks and she accepted the gifts cautiously. As soon as the flowers made contact with her hands the gobstones which were hidden within squirted their foul smelling liquid into her face. She dropped them, squealing, and stood up with a murderous expression.

The smart thing for James to do would be to quickly evacuate. However James decided to push it even further. He smiled that arrogant smile of his, winked at her and asked "So, wanna go out with me Evans?"

His answer was a slap on the cheek.

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><p><strong>I hope you liked it! Remember to favouritefollow if you liked it (and even if you didnt like it ;D) and review to let me know what you thought of** it!

**tumblr (where I will also post updates about my stories): lickyourkneecaps**

**~ Codla x**


	2. James Apologizes

**Thank you all for the feedback from the last chapter, i really appreciate it!**

**Tumblr user 1: yes i will continue posting the updates on my tumblr dont worry**

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the mysterious tv show i sort of mention in here (1000 galleons to the person who can spot the reference!)**

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><p>YEAR ONE<p>

Lily still hadn't uttered a single word to James or any of the other three since the prank. Even Remus was getting the silent treatment from her and Snape was loving every second of it.

"Ok that's it guys! You guys need to man up and apologize to her! I've grovelled at her feet on your behalf too many times."

"Nope, not a chance Remus. Number one rule of pranking is you never apologize. If you do it, you do it whole heartedly and no regrets." James emphasised his point by chucking a pillow at him.

"I think that's actually rule number three…"

"Shut up Sirius." Remus gave James "the look". "Fine if you want me to apologize I will… but I can't do it directly otherwise it'll break the rule. Give me some time to think."

FEW DAYS LATER

"IVE GOT IT, IVE GOT IT!" James ran into the room with Peter behind him with a book in his hand, grinning mischievously. "Peter, you can explain"

"So I was reading this book of second grade charms and I came across a voice changing spell. It looks fairly easy so I reckon you could do it" he said pointing at Remus.

"I'm not following where this is going…" Remus trailed off. James motioned for them to huddle together and he and Peter filled them in and watched as a smile spread across Sirius's face and a grimace spread across Remus's.

"So if this takes all day to convince her you just need to tell everyone that I'm sick in bed." James finished.

THE NEXT DAY

James got up extra early and stood still as Remus performed the voice changing spell on him and donned the cloak of invisibility as his friends wished him good luck. He walked down the stairs and camped out at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the girls' dormitories and waited.

Lily was going to meet Severus by the lake after breakfast so she woke up extra early and went down to breakfast by herself. She was halfway across the common room when she first heard it.

"Hey, hey Lily" said a low gravelly voice with an American accent. She looked around quickly but she couldn't see anyone. Lily shook her head and continued walking.

"Hheeeyyy Liilllyy!" Lily looked around once more and yet again she didn't see anyone. "No, you won't be able to see me, I'm your guardian angel!"

"My guardian angel?" She whispered back.

"Yes, your guardian angel." Lily licked her lips nervously.

"So why are you here now all of a sudden?"

"Well I saw the incident a couple of weeks ago with that good looking boy and the gobstones and I know that you're still angry about that" said the voice. Lily nodded slowly.

"He humiliated me in front of everyone!" Lily cried out.

"Hmmmm I can tell. However I really think you should forgive him."

"No." Lily said shortly and stomped out of the common room.

It was a couple of hours later as she was walking to Transfiguration when she heard the voice again.

"Aww come on Lily, don't be mad at me. As your guardian angel I know best! I really think you should forgive him." Lily ignored the voice whispering in her ear and walked on. "Lily you can't ignore me considering I'm in your head." Lily stopped and considered that for a bit.

"I suppose you're right" she said loudly getting a couple of weird looks from people walking past her.

"So you'll forgive him?" the voice said happily, and suddenly it didn't sound so low or so American. Lily frowned and walked into an empty corridor.

"Maybe, give me some good reasons. And DON'T say because you're my guardian angel."

"Well, he's a good guy deep down, he's good looking, he's smart…" the voice went on, not noticing Lily was listening closely to where the voice was coming from and we getting dangerously close. "And because I think you should go out with him." And with that Lily lashed out to where the voice was coming from and came into contact with something hard and stared in shock as half of James Potter's head came into view.

"No, I really DON'T think I should go out with him."

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><p><strong>Is anyone else imagining her "guardian angel" in a trench coat? hmm...<br>Well you can tell me if you are, in the reviews ;) Free butterbeer to everyone who reviews!**

**So remember to follow/favourite if you liked or didnt like this story!**

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**~ Codla x**


	3. Charms Class

**Hey there, thank you all for the reviews,follows and favourites from last chapter! *gives everyone free butterbeer*  
>And shoutout to TUMBLR USER 1 (who should really tell me their tumblr url) who got the Supernatural reference in the last chapter!<strong>

**RIP to Roger Lloyd-Pack who played Barty Crouch Sr. *raises wand in the air***

**Disclaimer: I dont own anything and you can stop reminding me!**

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><p>FIRST YEAR<p>

It was their fourth charms lesson and Professor Flitwick decided that they were ready to make things fly.

"Everyone, don't forget the swish and flick movement we have been practising!" The class chittered excitedly; everyone had wanted to do this since they saw him make the furniture in the room fly around. He gave them all a feather and walked around the room, helping out the people who were having trouble.

Lily managed to get her feather to fly on her third try and was feeling quite proud of herself. She looked around and no one else it seemed knew how to do it. And of course _those four _weren't even trying; they were just sitting down the back goofing around. James made eye contact and winked. Lily rolled her eyes and turned back to the chalk board to see if she could do anything else.

And that's when one piece of chalk began to rise and start to write on the board. She looked around to see who it was but everyone was busy concentrating on their feather.

_Will you g, _was already written on the board by the time she looked back. She watched in fascination as the chalk continued writing. But soon her fascination turned sour as more words appeared. And now Lily knew who it was.

_Will you go out with me Evans? _was written on the board. She looked over at James and he was sitting there looking at everything and everyone but her trying to pretend it wasn't him.

She took off her shoe and chucked it at him.

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><p><strong>Thank y'all for reading! Remember to follow and favourite whether you liked it or not and review and let me know what you thought, what i can improve and ideas for how James can ask Lily out<strong>

**tumblr: lickyourkneecaps**

**~ Codla x**


	4. Give it Back!

**Hey there, shout out to JILYlover28 for reviewing, thank you so much! and thank you to all the follows/favourite I got. Sorry this is a short chapter, but the next ones a bit longer!**

**Disclaimer: nope, not mine**

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><p>"James Potter you give my shoe back right now!" Unfortunately for her he was a lot taller than her and was keeping her shoe just out of reach. It was a week later and she was still one shoe down. Surprisingly, none of the teachers had noticed she was walking around in sandals instead of school shoes (maybe to do with the fact her robes were so long and covered her feet) and they probably weren't the safest of shoes to wear for subjects such as potions.<p>

"You know the deal Evans. Go out with me and you get your shoe back, but until then…" he shook his head sadly and walked away.

"Wait!" Lily ran after him. "Fine! I'll go out with you!" James dropped the shoe in shock and Lily quickly scooped it up.

"Wait, really?"

Lily walked away with a smug grin on her face.

"No!"

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><p><strong>Remember to followfavourite and *imperio* review ;) No seriously reviews give me motivation to write so you want more chapters? review!**

**tumblr: lickyourkneecaps**

**~ Codla x**


	5. Quidditch

**The response and all the reviews from last chapter was overwhelming thank you all. I really think that should continue each chapter ;) Thank you to everyone who reviewed/favourited/followed and I tried to message all of you but I'm sorry if I missed you!**

**Disclaimer: nothings mine i think we get it**

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><p>FIRST YEAR<p>

James was trailing after the Gryffindor Quidditch captain whining piteously.

"Aww come on Ward, you NEED a backup chaser! You saw what happened in today's match when that Slytherin took your chaser out and you HAD NO BACKUP SO YOU LOST." Ward turned around and glared at James, who didn't back down despite the fact Ward was a good foot taller than him.

"Potter, you are a FIRST year, even if I wanted you on the team you wouldn't be allowed!" By this point the two of them had gathered up quite a crowd and James spotted a flash of red hair. He smirked, an idea coming to mind.

"Well Ward, why don't you at least let me train with you guys even if I don't play? I mean help a brother out!"

"How exactly would this be 'helping a brother out'?" Ward asked sceptically.

"Well you see, there's this chick and I want to impress her… and she's agreed to give me a chance if I make it onto the team. So if you let me train with you she may still give me a chance…" James looked around and saw Lily pushing her way through the crowd to get to him. He waved.

"James. Potter. I did NOT agree to this! Ward if you DARE put James on your team I swear I will…" Lily as a first year did not quite know what EXACTLY she would do to Ward but the message was conveyed. Ward nodded quickly to her and before hurrying off he gave a firm NO to James.

"Aww come on Evans, he was going to say yes! And who knows, maybe you would have said yes" James wiggled his eyebrows.

"Awww poor baby, how will you ever survive?"

"Well at least I only got one no…"

"Oh yeah by the way, NO."

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><p><strong>Remember to followfavourite and review review review. Review = fuel for authors. No reviews = no fuel.**

**Tumblr: lickyourkneecaps**

**~ Codla xx**


	6. Fire

**Gosh I don't know how I can ever thank you all for the respone I've gotten for this story, I love you all okay?**

**Credit to my friend Kelly for giving me the idea for this chapter (ps you guy should give me ideas/prompts for chapters since I only have enough ideas atm to last up to chapter 19)**

**Disclaimer: I OWN EVER.. *police sirens in the background* aww alright I OWN NOTHING.**

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><p>FIRST YEAR<p>

"Hey, hey, hey! Liiilllyyyy, oh Lily Pily! Oi! Lils! Lils my man… woman. Hey! I know you can hear me!" James had not stopped nagging Lily the entire morning and it was giving her a headache. She thought it couldn't get any worse when she heard Sirius's voice join in.

"Evans! Talk to us darling, you know you want to!" She sighed deeply, caught Remus's apologetic eyes and gave a slight smile in return. At least one of them is sane, she thought to herself. She then caught sight of Peter telling a joke to Remus and making him laugh. Well two of them are sane she corrected herself.

They continued bugging her throughout the afternoon and it was around 5pm when they suddenly fell silent. Lily glanced around suspiciously but didn't see them and assumed they had grown tired of their little "game" and had stopped.

She continued walking along the corridor when suddenly two figures appeared in front of her and yelled "BOO". Lily screamed and instinctively whipped out her wand ready to curse whoever it was with her very limited knowledge of spells. Lily quickly realised that she knew no harmful spells she instead hit one of the attackers on the head with her wand. Sparks flew out of her wand and then…

"My hair is on fire! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE. SIRIUS MY HAIR IS ON FIRE" Lily blinked and saw that James Potter was standing in front of her with Sirius and indeed his hair_ was _on fire. Sirius stood next to James beside himself with laughter whilst James was pulling off his school robe and covering his hair with it, desperately trying to put out the flames that engulfed his head.

Lily walked off laughing when she heard Sirius call out.

"Hey Lily! I told you you couldn't ignore us forever!" James then added.

"Yeah, it shows that secretly you love us! Especially me! Which means you'll go out with me!" James winked at her. He looked rather stupid with his robe covering half his face and half his hair burnt off. Lily smiled sweetly.

"James, that new hairdo actually makes you look more attractive! However I really think I shouldn't hog you all to myself, and even though it pains me, I'm going to have to say no so all the other ladies in Hogwarts can have you!" And with that Lily skipped off back to the dorms.

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><p><strong>Remember to followfavourite and of course review since reviews are my food and they are delicious!**

**Tumblr: lickyourkneecaps**

**~ Codla x**


	7. Detention

**Hey there, I've had so much on the past couple of days so I couldnt write nor did I have time to message all the new reviewers/follows/favourites so THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU! However the reception from last chapter wasnt as great as it has been so :(**

**But anyways, I go back to school this week so the chapters will be coming in at about once a week (sorry!)**

**Disclaimer: Not mine and even those pickup lines are probably not mine**

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><p>YEAR ONE<p>

Lily was in detention however, that wasn't the bad thing in this situation. The bad thing was that she was in detention with James. Despite the fact it was a complete accident, the fact it wasn't really her fault AND that James begged for Lily not to be blamed for his sudden loss of hair she still had to be punished to teach her a lesson that she really shouldn't hit people on the head with her wand. Her wand is a magical device that should be used with caution, not a stick. James was in detention to teach him to not annoy people so much that they are reduced to hitting him with their wand. Well the detention was _supposed_ to teach him a lesson, but Lily highly doubted it would penetrate his thick skull.

"Look Lily, this detention would be a whole lot more enjoyable if you would talk to me… I mean it was MY hair that caught on fire." Lily turned around to look at James and probably would have said something if James hadn't of added on "I guess if your hair was on fire there wouldn't really be a difference." Lily scowled at him.

"You know, I WAS going to start talking to you since as you said, it was YOUR hair that caught on fire but now? Nope, you've ruined it." Lily focused her attention back on the desk and continued writing lines.

The only sound that could be heard was the scritch scratch of the quills.

_Scritch_

_Scratch_

_Scritch_

_Scratch_

It was then Lily started hearing the clock ticking over and over.

_Tick_

_Tock_

_Scritch_

_Scratch_

_Tick_

_Scritch_

_Tock_

Lily breathed deeply. This was when James decided to start tapping his foot.

_Tap_

_Tap_

_Tock_

_Scritch_

_Tick_

_Scratch  
>Tap<em>

Lily jumped to her feet "ENOUGH!" She yelled. James fell off his chair, the sudden noise in the quiet room startling him. "Enough! I'll talk to you James! Please JUST STOP THIS." James looked up at her, fairly bemused by the whole situation.

"I'm not entirely sure what I've done wrong this time but I'm not complaining" James shrugged and sat back in his chair and continued writing.

"So…"

So."

"You know this was YOUR idea to talk to me so I think you should be the one coming up with the conversation starters."

"That may be true, but YOU'RE the one continuously nagging me so I think it shows that YOU should be the one to start this conversation".

"If you insist." James stood up and walked past Lily. "Hey, do you believe in love at first sight?" Lily blushed and muttered something incomprehensible. "Or should I walk past again?" and with that James started pacing back and forth. Lily slammed her head down on the table, which caused her ink to spill over her parchment.

"Looks like you're going to have to do that again… or you can do me instead". Lily groaned and refused to speak to James for the rest of detention.

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><p><strong>Well yeah remember to followfavourite and pplleeeaassee review 3**

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**~ Codla x**


	8. Christmas

**Huzzah the holidays have arrived so I can write for you guys! Thank you for your patience :)**

**Disclaimer: if I owned Harry Potter the marauders would have gotten a happy ending.**

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><p>FIRST YEAR<p>

It was now December and the festive spirit had spread throughout. Even the Slytherins could be seen with a little skip in their step as they walked around the castle. Lily had decided to stay at Hogwarts during the break since Petunia was still annoyed at her, if her lack of letters meant anything. Sirius didn't want to see his family again and apparently James' mother was sick and he didn't want to catch anything off her (Sirius was rather offended that James thought he would believe that excuse).Whatever the reason, Sirius was grateful for the company.

They were helping Hagrid put up the Christmas tree when James eyes drifted towards the sky.

"Mistletoe…" he whispered. "Hey Black, we gotta go do something, sorry Hagrid! We'll help you out another time" and with that James dragged Sirius away by the arm. "Sirius I have the perfect way to get Lily to go out with me!"

"James, I thought you didn't actually like Lily, you've just been doing this to annoy her."

"Yeah… so? I can't stop till she's said yes! Otherwise I have to admit defeat and that would be embarrassing" James hair bounced this way and that way as he shook his head in shame. "But back to my idea, you know how you're meant to kiss under the mistletoe?" Sirius nodded. "And then you know how MAGICAL mistletoe prevents you from moving if you step under it until you HAVE kissed someone". When Sirius realised what James was saying, his mouth morphed into a huge grin.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking James?"

"I think I am Sirius." A third year Hufflepuff walked past at that moment and started laughing and walked off muttering something about bananas. James and Sirius looked at each other quizzically before rushing back to the common room.

It was the next morning when Lily emerged from her empty dorm and made her way to breakfast, rubbing her eyes and yawning widely. It was because of this she didn't notice the mistletoe until she walked under it and of course (since it was magical) she was stuck. "Coincidentally" James happened to walk by at that time.

"Oh hey there, looks like you're a bit stuck, need a hand? Or should I say a kiss?" His lips puckered him and closed the distance between them before her hand swatted him away.

"You know what Potter? I'd rather be stuck here for another 6 years than kiss you, so you can just leave."

"Your words cut deeply, I am wounded" and with that James collapsed into Sirius' arms.

"Lily, look what you've done to my poor friend here! You've killed him!" his eyes narrowed at her.

"Ah and that is such a shame, whatever can I do to help?" Lily replied with mock sadness. James opened one eye and whispered to Sirius.

"I have spoken with James's ghost and he said a kiss would bring him back to life" Sirius said mystically.

"Well then go on Sirius, you give him a kiss if you care for him so much." Sirius looked conflicted, unsure of how to respond. Lily nodded encouragingly at him and so he bent down and was about to kiss James when James bound out of his hands and ran out of the common.

"Hey Sirius come here quickly." When Sirius was close enough, Lily gave him a quick peck on the cheek. This was enough for the mistletoe and it released its prisoner.

"Oh and Sirius, please tell James that hanging mistletoe above the stairs really wasn't one of his bright ideas." Sirius nodded and bounced off to go find James.

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><p><strong>I hope that chapter was alright :) Remember to review with your thoughts on the chapter and ideas for future chapters!<br>tumblr: lickyourkneecaps**


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